Adidas' new $250 running shoe has a sensor in the heel that can take early 20,000 readings and a microprocessor that can make 10,000 calculations—all so that it can adjust its performance in real time.
Fine print on the Caution Label:
1. These shoes may be confiscated by airport security. [Please do not leave unattended.]
2. These shoes may be confiscated at knife-point by envious teens. [Urban runners may prefer model #2200 with duct tape outers.]
3. These shoes brake for whales, and may be user-programmed for up to four other species. [Latin names may not exceed 24 characters.]
4. These shoes beep when used in reverse. [Personalized ringtones available for additional fee.]
5. Should use include repeated lateral walking on a mountainside or similar incline, please refer to instructions for adjustment. [Adjustments differ for northern and southern hemispheres. For users near the equator, check toilet swirl if in doubt.]
6. Repeated exposure to wet conditions may cause malfunction; performance may vary in high humidity. [Some mild tingling in the foot during and after wet runs is normal. Should it persist, check with your doctor.]
7. Please turn off shoes during public performances. [In a few cases, interference effects with outsized commercial hand-dryers have been reported.]
8. Like everything else in 21st century life, don't expect these to work longer than 40 minutes without a change of batteries.
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